What do men want (from women)? 

Women have been trying to answer this question for ages, and shelves of self-help books try to resolve the differences between men and women by considering we’re from different planets.

A recent poll said that the average person is willing to spend 6 months’ salary to find their true love.

Many women ask the question "What do men want?" to their women friends and sometimes they’ll ask their guy friends. If women would approach men with a few simple, effective guidelines, they’ll be much more likely to get exactly what they want from men: a fulfilling, healthy, happy relationship. 

Here are the guidelines:

1. Men want a fun and exciting (female) companion.

2. Men want great sex (consistent, frequent, and passionate lovemaking score high with men).

3. Men want to share meals with their woman companion (especially when she cooks for him).

4. Men want you to support them in their work and boost their confidence.

5. Men want you to look great, keep in shape, and express confidence  about your body.

6. Men want you to listen to them and treat them with respect.

7. Men need private time, to unwind, to engage in sports and hobbies, and to spend time with other men.

Women: in case you’re not very thrilled with this list, that may be because you were hoping I wrote the guidelines for "What Women Want Men To Want," which, predictably, is a considerably different list. For that, you’d have to see What Women Want (A Guide For Men). But the idea is to understand men so that you might get along better, right?  Well, this guide works, trust me – it is proven and tested.

You will note that this list of guidelines is far shorter than my list for What Women Want. Why is this? Because men are more like dogs, women more like cats. However, if you put a weighted scale on it, you’d find more VALUE placed on each guideline than any of the thirteen guidelines for What Women Want (A Guide for Men). So, if you want to improve your relationship with the man you love or want to love, then try these guidelines and see how they work for your relationship improvement results.

1. Men want a fun and exciting companion. There are things that a man will discuss with a woman if the level of communication and trust has been established. Sharing activities can also be a healthy way to build relationships. Exciting to some men may mean going to the library together. So, what I recommend is know what you enjoy and find men who enjoy those activities (or at least, a subset of those activities). If women spend more time with men sharing some activities each week they are likely to get along better with the men in their lives.

2. Men want consistent, frequent, passionate sex (or hot sex). Men get turned on by different things that a woman does. A woman wants to know she’s "the only one he loves" and that he digs her. A man wants his partner to be a bit of a lusty animal in bed – thus the high subscription rate among men to magazines that are somewhat exploitive of women. (Note: the top 2 subscriptions among men are Playboy and Penthouse, the top for women is Ladies Home Journal and Better Homes & Garden). A woman that delivers in the bedroom will, more often than not, get what she wants from her man – a dedicated lover. I hate to be crass, but it’s reality. Smart women look at this and figure out how to use it to build mutual happiness. A woman who is more vocal in bed, and carries the attitude that goes with it, is likely to get a lot back from her man, as well. On the other hand, a woman who is frigid and uses sex as a manipulation tool is likely to receive games right back. The main thing isn’t so much experimentation though – please don’t take this the wrong way. It is about creativity, bonding, and emotional intimacy.

Men bond through being physically connected. The act of making love is how a man feels that you love him. Withhold this, and you are withholding your love, to a man. Men want to connect with the physical act, because the act of release during sex is how a man most feels connected to you. It is the "feeling of being connected" he most seeks.

I had a woman write me once who said, "if a man is connected by making love to a woman, then how can he say ‘she meant nothing’ about an affair?" Good point. It meant something. But perhaps, he was seeking something STRANGE or DIFFERENT. It is good to mix it up once in a while, you know?

By the way, some men living by their animal instinct or Ego’s rules enjoy the conquest. We can help curb this tendency by being aware and learning as much as possible about each other prior to becoming physical. Women can help improve their sexual relationships by offering some spice and also helping men understand the importance of romance, ambience, and setting a good mood (thus helping her meet her own need to "heat-up" first).

3. Men want to share meals with you, especially when you prepare the meal. I personally enjoy cooking a meal together and going out and enjoying a nice meal together. Just as much as I do not expect a woman to cook every meal for us, I also appreciate it when she does. It is also nice when a woman appreciates when her man cooks for her. Women who share their meals with their partner are improving the quality time they spend together and building a better bond. A man who expects his woman to cook every meal might improve his relationship by offering to clean-up dishes or surprising his woman with a home-cooked meal of his own. Many men just take their women out to dinner to show their appreciation (thus, the reason Mother’s Day brunches are so expensive!). Communication about the importance of cooperation and sharing of all aspects of the meal can help improve problems in this area. So, especially, men appreciate when you FEED THEM. Maybe it sounds old-fashioned, but the old adage, "the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach" has some value.

4. Men want you to support them in their work and help boost their confidence. Note: Women who understand men do not put them down. Women who understand this ask men questions about their career and let them know "you can do it, baby!" In return, women will find their man equally supportive because she understands him and does things to let him know she’s a believer. Call it a case of mutual admiration.

5. Men want you to look great (your very best). Just go to a sporting event (like a football game or baseball game) and check out the player’s wives and girlfriends. They are often quite nice looking with top-shape bodies. Were they chosen for their looks, personality, money, or what? Why are so few of these women physically ugly? Because the sports-stars attract good-looking women due to their POWER status and making high amounts of money (two things women want besides confidence and a sense of humor).

I’ve had so many women write me about this subject because, well, women have issues with the way they look. Men don’t. Men just know what they like. The funny thing is that women with a .7 to 1 waist to hip ratio tend to attract men easier than women without that ratio. So, a woman may be more robust, like Marilyn Monroe was, and still attract men like crazy, compared to the little skinny waifs who are models and movie stars in our present era.

When I write that men want you to look great it means simply this: look the very best you can for your size, type, and build. Then carry it with confidence. Ever wonder why men groan when their woman asks, "honey, does this look my butt look fat?" If she is confident, she already knows and doesn’t have to ask.

Looking great does not mean you have to be a trophy doll. But if you  think men don’t choose their partners largely by the way they look, think again. Men want women to look great! It may even be a double-standard. Looking great does not mean you have to look like superstars. I point them out because of society’s general status symbols, but please consider our perspective of "how we look" isn’t really more  important than a societal viewpoint of what looks best. Certainly, watching weight, eating and drinking healthy food and water, and working out a few times a week also has benefits to our own emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health. It is important to love our body. When we love our body, why shouldn’t our partner love it, too? Even if you are "working on it," sending loving thoughts to your body will help you achieve physical goals and happiness more than sending out negative thoughts. Our confidence is attractive to most people, and it counts in looks, too. Confidence is sexy. And men love sexy women. Why did Marilyn Monroe have such popularity? Because she was sexy. So, do your best to look great, stay in shape, dress attractively, and display a confident and sexy attitude. Watch how much more attention you’ll receive from the man in your life.

For women who don’t have perfect model bodies, I had a woman ask me this recently and all I can say is what Duke Ellington said re: life: "Do the very best you can with what you’ve got." I think you’ll find a man who will appreciate that effort you put out.

6. Men want you to listen to them and treat them with respect. I’ve recently heard a woman say that she felt men were not respecting her, but then a few moments later used the phrase "well you men …" in her speech. This indicates a tendency towards negatively judging men. Sometimes, we get back what we give out, and what we say to each other DOES matter.

Instead, when we give love, kindness, and respect, we will experience the law of abundance in action. Men listen differently than women do. Women tend to nod their head and make comments, such as "ah, uh-huh, wow, yes, right" during conversation to indicate they are listening and involved. Men tend to listen like a wall, quietly observing until the other person finishes their statement. Being sensitive to this difference in how men and women communicate (and adapting, as appropriate) will improve communication between partners.

7. Men need you to give them private time to be left alone, to spend on hobbies and sports, and to spend time with other men. Some men need a few minutes to unwind when they walk in the door before sharing the day’s challenges. Some women need this space, too, but I’ve noticed that most women I’ve dated prefer to launch into the daily review, while I’d really just like a hug, a kiss, and then some quiet space for a few minutes to unwind prior to reviewing the day together. Do what works best for your relationship. I find that a sincere and compassionately deep hug upon greeting is nice, followed by a thirty-second kiss sometime in the next few minutes, helps re-establish that "connected" feeling.

Did I just say 30 second kiss? Yes, I did. Why? Because a peck kiss does nothing to establish nor maintain romance. It requires a longer kiss to do that. So, use your kissing to your advantage and keep the passion alive between you!

I remember a friend telling me about his girlfriend, how she tried to be his "Ms. Right" by becoming the woman he wanted, rather than developing some interests of her own. Perhaps, she’d be married to this man, today, had she simply had some of her own interests and creating abundant living in her own life. It can also be valuable to take time apart, once in a while, to reinforce and remind each other of your bond that hold you together. 

Perhaps, by not spending too much time together, we may realize why someone coined the phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder."

By following this guidance, and other tips in Smooth Sailing, we hope you are able to build the relationship of your dreams.